forget my real fear

I am starting to feel that  I have everything I ever wanted, perfect family, house, education and job then why I am not happy because I am scared that every thing going to go away just in a blink or because I am waiting for a good time to come. Whatever it is am not able to get my answers and I am wondering around in the world and find only way to claim my mind is this.
I don't why I have to write this stuff, they are not good and they are stupid, they are not real what I wanted to say or may be they are real because those thoughts that I am having with me are running and I can't change then because thoughts come and go, one will be coming and other is ready to take its place but write thoughts are more accurate and they told a story about my situation and  control on mind. I don't what type of physiological behavior this is but definitely it some thing to do with my past, which I never ever want to describe to anybody not to my mom, my friends and   not even I want to think about. It contains pain that I am still going, it contains happiness that I don't think I can achieve in future in any price, those are the movement I wanted to forget because it more painful to remember them.
Its just me the cause of all the problem is me, I want something special that it make me unhappy, it makes me weak, it make me to lazy and its make me to not do for achieving that. And for some reason my gut feeling telling me that all my cause to problem is not going to cause any problem no more because if I shutdown that part of brain that gives me this fear and cause I am able to change me forever. And its time to tell , to admit, and to honer my fear of becoming something that will not me, that nobody ever was, that nobody ever will, and that nobody ever imagine could one person can achieve and do and make himself like this. I don't want to forget my real fear to became a person that is not me.